Bedtime stories

As a special bedtime treat for my animals, I place both my cat and dog on my bed and proceed to read to them from the latest issue of Cosmo. I enjoy this special time because it allows me a chance to bond with my animals. That sentence reminded me of a time when I forgot to put the 'd' in 'bonding', and accidentally e-mailed one of my professors telling him that I had fun boning with my classmates. You'd think I'd learn to read over what I type, but I never do. But that all is besides the point.
So each night I read a little bit more to my pets. I watch them as their breathing becomes even, and their eyes drift shut. I finish off the paragraph I'm reading.
"And that is the sizzling sex tip that will end your summer with a bang."
And I place a bookmark in the magazine so that we don't lose our place for the next night. Then I look down at my animals and let out a contented sigh, then remove my glasses (which I should really be wearing anyway since they are for driving), place the magazine on the bedside table, and turn off the lamp.
Actually.. that is mostly a lie.. I only did it once when I was drunk, and it was more because I forgot how to read in my head. It just so happened that the animals were there, and then fell asleep. But boy did my cat and dog learn how to end their summer with a bang!

1 comment:

Noh Dancer said...

At least they are aware of the "issues", right? Nothing is worse than uneducated animals, they think all sorts of weird things...