The Story of my Life....
When I was 4-ish, I decided to run away from home. It was not a decision I made lightly,
I had thought it out for at least an hour before-hand. I packed what I thought
I would need into my sister's blue humpty dumpty duffle bag, and headed for the
door. Of course my parents initially tried to talk me down, but when I was still
determined to leave they did the whole 'Okay, I guess we'll see you around sometime.
Take care!' thing. It wasn't until I was on my front lawn dragging my bag of stuff behind
me that my sister came running out shouting 'She only packed halloween costumes.'
You see, for some reason it made sense to me to pack halloween costumes.

I think this story, to this day, remains a metaphor for my life.
Interpret that as you will.


A Party it is
“Would you like to watch my apartment this weekend? I just got a new kitten and am to be away, I just want to make sure my other cats don’t injure her while I’m gone.” She says.
“Great! Just so you know, I really like my carpets.” She says.
“That’s swell….” I say.
“Yeah, so you know…. I really like my carpets.” She says again.
“I’m sure you do, it’s always a good sign when you enjoy your own things.” I say.
“I just want you to know, though, that I really like my carpets”
“Yep, I got that…. And just what exactly are you implying?” I say, as I begin to understand exactly what it is that she is implying.
“All I’m saying is that I really like my carpets.” She says, pretending to be innocent.
“Yeah, I’ll bet you do. I’m not planning on having a party, if that’s what you’re getting at.” I say.
“Well…. I’m just letting you know that I really like my carpets.”
“If you like them so much, maybe you should marry them.” I say.
“Just keep that in mind - ”
“That you’re going to marry your carpets?” I interrupt.
“- Incase anything should happen.”
“Well, as long as I’m invited to the wedding.”
“Okay, good.” She says, sounding satisfied.
“Just so you know, I wasn’t going to have a party until you brought up that whole carpet thing….”


Dude, where's my shirt?
Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake-up in a strange place (perhaps this is a forest or a ball park), surrounded by people you don't know, lacking a shirt, and suffering from a killer head ache?


Perhaps this is a sign I should stop drinking....


Dairy Queen
I will start off by saying that I have gas. I suspect it has something to do with the ' Alfredo' sauce I made a few hours ago. Well, the 'Alfredo' sauce and the fact that I don't get along so well with dairy products.
I guess that is why I will never be able to achieve my dream of becoming Miss 'Dairy Products' Canada.
Oh, Well.
I'm sure that one day I will be able to get over it.
But until that day I shall stop each time I come to a dairy section in a grocery store and ask 'why?'
'Why God?' I shall say.
'Why me? Why Dairy?'
And then I will let out a low primal cry....
For the dream that has been denied to me.
For the 'Dairy' Queen I shall never be.