8/02/2005

My curse

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I have no ass. Oh man, thank god I got that out. I have no ass, and that is a problem for me. You see, most women (and even people, in general) have some sort of bum... Their behind curves outs, and produces a bottom. My ass, on the other hand, is just flat. It's flat, and when I go to the store and buy pants there is always unflattering bunching where my ass should be. The pants make room for my non-existent ass, and thus there is just a whole lot of empty space.
Earlier this summer, my sister and I were grilling things on the BBQ and she said, "Oh my god, you really don't have an ass." We then went inside, where the rest of my family spent a good 30 minutes just staring at where my bum should be. My mom has an ass, my dad has an ass, my sister has an ass, and even my brother has an ass..
I feel short changed... Maybe I should get bum implants.

4 comments:

Corwin said...

We few, we assless, must stick together to fight the unjust standards of beauty that the cruel legions of buttox-gigantus propogate in the liberal media!

I say rise up from our cushioned chairs to strike down with righteous fury all those that would say we are lacking in our posterior quarters!

Still, sometimes, late at night, I wonder...

Winston said...

My paternal family curse is that our noses run when we eat; even if it's not hot or spicy.

You shouldn't dwell on what you don't have but what you have!! All of us are lacking in one way or another right?! Don't worry about it.

Dave said...

I demand photographic evidence.

Noh Dancer said...

I feel bad for you. Being a possessor of a nice round one myself, I don't have to worry.

I've heard you can buy pants with padding added to the bum, but they cost like 60+ bucks...