A Conversation With My Mother

Just so you know, for when I get lazy, what my mama says is in italics.

"Ugh.. It smells like ass in here..." I say.
"How do you know what ass smells like?" She responds.
"Do you really want to hear the answer to that, or was it just a rhetorical question?" I ask her.
"Well, I'm just saying that you don't have any basis for comparison." She tells me.
"Not that you know of." I tell her.
"Well.. I'm just saying..."
"And I'm just saying, that for all you know, I could be handing out the rim jobs."
"What's a rim job?"
"I feel that, after the whole 'pearl necklace' incident, you should just look that up on the internet.. That's what it's for.. to look up sexual-related terms that your daughter doesn't want to explain to you."
"Well, I sometimes need to know things like that for my courses."
"Mom, I do not know what kind of fucked up psych courses you are taking, but if knowing the definition of a rim job is a pre-requisite.. I suggest you switch courses."
"Just use it in a sentence."
"Okay, fine. My name is Megan, and despite what my mother thinks, I do not hand out rim jobs."
"That didn't help me. Use it in another sentence."
"My mother wants me to give her the definition of what a rim job is, and that makes me uncomfortable."
"Use it one more time."
"In order to pay for tuition this year, I may be forced to give out rim jobs in exchange for money."
"You are not being particularly helpful, Megan..."
"Then my job here is done. If you need me, I will be downstairs explaining to Jamie (a.k.a. my little brother) what a rim job is."
"You are a smart ass."
"I am not sure how healthy your obsession with asses is, Mom..."


Kim said...

Hehe .... so how long do you give her before she goes and looks it up? LOL

Rob said...

$10 says that when she does look it up on the Internet the first thing that'll come up is a link to a wav file of Cartman's mom explaining what a rim job is in South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.