Dealings with a two-month-old

She plopped the baby down in my arms and proceeded to sit beside me on the stairs.
Surprised, my newfound charge and I both stared unblinkingly at each other with a hint of suspicion.

I speak to the baby exactly how I speak to adults, which seems to amuse both his parents and casual onlookers endlessly. In fact, the only difference that immediately comes to mind is that, when addressing the baby, I occasionally drive my points home by tickling his ribs and blowing raspberries on his stomach. To date, I have yet to find myself trying to win an argument with a fully matured individual in a similar fashion.

Later, while in my care, the baby voices his displeasure at suddenly finding himself with a wet diaper. "I understand that you are currently perturbed, but I think you would find your angst would be somewhat abated if you would only stop gouging yourself in the eye," I tell him, as I locate his diaper bag and look around for a flat surface on which to change him. "Equally," I add, "you would find that if you ceased flailing around so excitedly I would be able to change your diaper much more efficiently." The baby ignores my words, choosing instead to smile and coo at me for no apparent reason. "I do not understand you," I state flatly. "I think we will get along much better when we are actually able to converse and I can simply buy you material objects to gain your affections." But the truth is, in spite of the many times when my mere presence seems to offend him, we get along just fine right now. And though I am loath to admit it, my heart melts just a little every time his parents refer to me as "Auntie Megan".


Still just me said...

I have learned through motherhood that the best thing you can do with babies and young children, is not to talk to them in "babytalk". They learn to speak what they hear.

Jallápenno said...

thank you for that! I agree. While it is important, as you mentioned, to throw in the odd raspberry or tickle, I can't stand when people talk like idiots to small children, or use their nonsense words to talk to them (ooh, yes, we go in de tar!) instead of nicely correcting them so they learn the right word. Why do you want to teach kids things twice?

that's my rant. I'm glad you're not afraid of the baby, and that you haven't tried to steal him yet. Give it a few more months.

Megan said...

It really is only a matter of time before I steal him.
His parents, specifically his mother, have decided that they are going to subject me to him as much as possible so that I have plenty of practice prior to having my own children. I get to see him once or twice a week, which is nice. In the last week alone he's really started to get a lot more vocal. It's neat to watch.