But I would rather he be helpful in other ways

I feel like puppies and toddlers are practically the same thing.
You just know that if one of those two things is around, and it is quiet where you all are, chances are you're going to find something gnawed on, eaten, ripped apart or urinated/pooped on. Either that or your puppy/toddler is sleeping (or, if you want to be super morbid, dead... probably from eating whatever it was gnawing on or ripping apart).

The benefits that puppies have over toddlers is that you can put a puppy in a cage and leave your house for several hours without having to fear that someone will take your puppy away. Not to say that you can't leave a toddler in a cage for several hours, but that sort of thing is largely frowned upon. Most especially if you actually leave the dwelling in which the toddler is situated.

The benefits that toddlers have over puppies is that, ideally, at some point in time they will start cleaning up their own feces. They will also likely be able to feed themselves later on down the road, and, if you die unexpectedly, a toddler is probably not going to resort to eating your corpse in order to survive. PROBABLY not.

Hudson has pooped in the back seat of my car twice. He has peed in my apartment at least five times. He has peed on the carpet at work somewhere between four and six times (once in front of the Executive Director!). He has gnawed on various co-workers (and even made one bleed), torn a hole in one of my skirts and reminded me that putting shoes away in the closet is the only surefire way to ensure said shoes are not chewed on. And, for some reason, one of his favourite past times is retrieving my dirty underwear from the clothes hamper and bringing it to me. It is almost as though he is saying, "Here. I am not sure if you realized that you left these in that tall basket over there. I am just bringing them back to you because they seem kind of personal. Also, I chewed on them to make a few holes because I thought you might want to make sure that area is especially well ventilated. You're welcome."

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