Holiday Traditions

When I was a child, each Christmas eve my grandfather would take his twelve gauge shotgun down from his gun rack, put on his winter coat and boots, and inform us that he would be spending the rest of the night sitting on top of the roof waiting for Santa Claus. His dedication was impressive, if not slightly disturbing, as he would spend the next several hours banging around on the rooftop in what I can only assume was an attempt to strike fear deep into our hearts.
I do not ever recall having genuinely feared for the life of Kris Kringle, although I do remember fearing for the life of my grandfather.
My grandfather liked to endear himself to us in many ways. He had once taken his dentures out in front of me in an attempt to amuse both myself and my sister. He had held them in his hand and pretended they had taken on a life of their own, making it seem as though the dentures were trying to take a bite out of his forearm.
I was scared shitless.
Not only was my grandfather quite literally falling apart, but it also appeared as though the body parts he shed had some sort of vendetta against him.
It was clear to me that he did not stand a chance against Santa.


K. Restoule said...

I'm glad that your grandfather survived his encounter with Santa. Not many people know, but Santa also has a team of elite ninja assassins called the Pain Deer.

Hey, I saw it on Ask a Ninja so it must be true

Jallápenno said...

thank you for that. Grandfathers are a strange, strange creature. It has been interesting watching my dad turn into a grampie. He hasn't got dentures though, I'll have to suggest he invest in some.

Still just me said...

My grandpa used to do the same thing to me when I was little, only he did it during the commercials while watching Hee Haw.

Just Call Me Fabulous said...

My grandfather never did that, but I'm starting to wish that he had.

I feel like I can never tell you enough times that you are, hands down, one of the funniest people I have ever encountered.