"I am considering naming one of my children after a sexually transmitted disease. What do you think?"
"Megan. You cannot do that. You cannot even joke about that."
"Why not? I am thinking Gonorrhea. It has character. It is a strong name."
"You cannot name your child Gonorrhea. That is not even a pretty sounding STD."
"Well, I can't very well name a child "the clap" now, can I? What about Syphilis?"
"That could work. You could call it Philis for short."
"And its middle name will be Viral Herpes. Philis Vi, we will call it."
"That does not sound like such a terrible name, although she will still grow up hating you."
"Who said it was going to be a girl?"
"I just assumed. I mean - wow. A boy? Really? That poor child. What will you do if he ever asks you why you chose to name him that?"
"That is easy. I will just sit him down and say 'well, son, you weren't the only surprise mommy got that night.'"
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My sister always wanted to name her daughter Topanga, after the girl on "Boy Meets World." (do Canadians watch Boy Meets World?)My mother was always horrified, saying it sounded like a name for a monkey. Her strategy to dissuade my sister was to start calling her "Sha-nay-nay" or other various mutations of her actual name, which is Shannon, very loudly in very public places.
my last names mean marvelous fruit. Lucky lucky me.
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