11/19/2006

Sunday Confessional

Revenge, I have learned, is far from sweet. It is bitter and saggy, and looks a lot like a shocked, naked eighty-five-year-old woman. As I stood there, on my roof, I wondered if this is how she felt every time she had looked out her kitchen window only to see my naked, white ass.
- 11/18/06

Sometimes, I truly feel that I was born to hold signs high above my head, or maybe just directly in front of me, for a living.
- 11/17/06

Later, I would realize that frantic, rough sex with a relative stranger does not make your problems disappear. Instead, it causes your period to come five days early and leaves you walking like a bow-legged cowboy for the better part of a day. The thing about one night stands is that I inevitably find myself, at the end of the night, sitting on a foreign toilet, head in my hands, wondering what the fuck I was thinking in the first place and hoping that I have enough money left in my wallet to call a cab.
- 11/14/06

As I was re-enacting a scene from Flashdance (forgetting for a moment that I have never actually seen Flashdance), naked, in my bathroom mirror, I glanced towards the window and saw my elderly neighbour staring at me with her mouth agape. I stopped for a minute, panting slightly, like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, finally, I thought "fuck it. she should be used to this by now." and continued on my adventure as a lonely steel worker whose dream it is to dance.
- 11/13/06

I am chasing the dog around the house, with a straw stuck up either nostril, when the doorbell rings. I pause, briefly, to consider who it might be. I am generally so content being a hermit that I sometimes forget I have friends.
- 11/11/06

"But why would someone name a secret crime organization 'the Foot'? It does not sound the least bit intimidating." I whined.
"You are just complaining because you dislike feet in general. Be quiet and watch the movie." She told me sternly.
And she was right, I do dislike feet in general.
- 11/09/06

No matter what any one else may tell you, the grapevine is an acceptable move to bust out at the bar.
- 11/04/06

4 comments:

sjer said...

SO funny :) Dancing naked is an excellent cure for a multitude of ills. I'm not even going to question the straws though...

overnighteditor said...

I loved the spontaneity of this. Keep the fun in.

Dunzo said...

Regarding the 11/13 post about dancing naked; well at least it wasn't a family member or friend! Better some old neighbor you never have to interact with probably.

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Also, is there only one "megan"? You are so prolific that I wonder if there are multiple contributors. Your style is present in all posts but it's possible that more than one human shares your brand of writing.

So, are you just one human megan? Why won't you be my friend on myspace?

Megan said...

There is just one megan. I think I am prolific because I suffer from insomnia. I also like to procrastinate a lot, so writing about other things seems to help me do that. Equally, I spend several hours of my day in lecture halls pretending to be listening and taking detailed notes. I have problems listening though and my notes usually consist of things completely unrelated to what is going on in class. Something I wrote down in class last week: "Joel is an asshole, but I really like his shoes."

Why won't I be your friend on myspace? There are probably several answers to that question, but the first one that comes to mind is because you have not asked me.