It's not junk anymore!

Late at night, when I'm bored and trying to be quiet, I reply to junk mail.
Dear Kevin,
Good day to you, too!
I actually have been thinking about going on vacation, getting a new car, AND that new TV and computer that I've been thinking about (but couldn't because I cannot make ends meet and those obligations are piling up), thank you for asking. I appreciate you saying that you can get my life back on track, but I feel, at this point in time, that my life is generally where I would like it to be. I am a student, with a mortgage, nobody expects me to have money. But thanks anyway, and might I suggest that you spell-check your spam?

Replying to spam both gives me something to occupy my time, and allows me to pretend (for a few minutes at least) that I receive hundreds of e-mails a day from people who want nothing but to help me or do me. So many people seem to be concerned about my financial situation, and some merely want to ask questions about my social life. Gail wanted to ensure I am happy, or at least that is what I gathered as she gave me several price listings for various anti-depressants. Some e-mails just keep rubbing it in that I was born a girl and thus cannot write my name in the snow while urinating (at least not with ease).

Dear Beck,
Let me start this e-mail by saying that I think you are slightly confused. While I appreciate the trouble you have taken to put together an e-mail with so much information about erectile difficulties and having a "stronger ejaculation", I feel I should probably tell you that it is physically impossible for me sustain an erection (unless by erection you mean building) as I do not actually have a penis of my own. And while I am sure having a stronger ejaculation would be lovely, unless you are referring to female ejaculation, I fear that I am incapable of that as well.
Again, thank you for all the trouble you have gone through and if I do meet a man who would like better erections and stronger ejaculations I will be sure to send him to the website address you so helpfully gave to me.
Have a wonderful day,


heather said...


shelly said...

oh my god that is the best idea i have heard since, well since i started hearing ideas. i am totally going to do it. and i am going to do it for snail mail too. i am a fan of the hand-written letter. i can't wait to keep in touch with the pre-approved credit people!

ps... love your blog, can i link it?

Megan said...

I have to warn you in advance though, a lot of the e-mails come back.
I never thought about doing it for snail mail! That is a wonderful idea.
And linking would be no problem