No Monkey Sex

Yesterday, I donated blood for the first time.

I strongly dislike needles, and I strongly dislike seeing my own blood leave my body via tubes even more than I strongly dislike needles. But the thing is that people need blood, and I have blood. Sure, I am technically currently using all of that blood, but there is enough of it in me that I can easily part with some of it.

The questions they ask in the privacy room seem ridiculous. Do I work with monkeys? No, I do not work with monkeys. Have I had sex with a gay man? No, not to the best of my knowledge at least. Have I solicited sex or used injection drugs? Nope, sure haven't. Have I had sex with anyone whose sexual history I did not know? Not penetrative sex, but I did once have phone sex with a man who worked with HIV positive gay monkeys who became infected after soliciting sex during the five years they lived in Britain. And those monkeys, they also used to take cruises to the Dominican Republic, where they often contracted malaria.

Does that preclude me from donating? No? Good. Let's get this party started then.

And the party did start. It took me nine minutes to give that pint of blood. "You are doing great for a first time donor," the nurse told me. This caused me to wonder if there were any measures I could take to become an even more awesome blood donor the next time I go in.