Easter and my colon: a love story

Since Easter is the time of year when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I felt it was the perfect time to attempt to resurrect my bowels through fasting and a series of flushes. If you have ever experienced a flushing of the bowels you will know that it is not all fun and games. In fact, I can assure you that none of it is fun and games. The kinds of things that exit your body, via your rectum, are both disturbing and awe-inspiring. Which brings us to this morning...
I sat there, on the toilet, expressing my dismay at the kinds of noises, smells, and semi-solids my body was producing. "Oh god, that's disgusting!" I repeated over and over again.
And then, suddenly, my litany of exclamations was stopped when I heard a voice, heavy with sleep, ask "Megan? Is that you?"
No, I wanted to say. No, it is not me. I am a burglar who has broken into your house with the sole intention of using your bathroom in the most disturbing way.
The truth is that I had not actually known that my sister was home. We share a common bathroom, accessible through both of our rooms, and I immediately felt a wave of guilt for the aftermath she was now surely to experience.
"Megan?" she asked again. "What are you doing?"
"Ummm..." I paused, "I am just going to the bathroom."
After that, I decided to use the bathroom upstairs and refrain from giving a play-by-play to anyone who might be within listening-distance.


Winston said...

I hate it when I shit pure liquid. It's the most disgusting thing. It sounds like a woman pissing and I don't like that at all. And the funny thing is that though I've had diarhea over the course of my life only within the last year or two have I experienced this foul, full blown pure liquid form of 'the runs'.

Terrible stuff really.

Good luck with the bowel cleansing. I don't know why you'd do that to yourself. Be healthy and happy! :) Inside and out

K. Restoule said...

Seeing the word colon in a blog title, you know you're going to get readers. :)

Afe said...

I enjoyed your colon..I mean column.

Just Call Me Fabulous said...

I once read a detailed description over several days of blog posting of one woman's experience with the "Master Cleanse." Disgusting, yes, but quite riveting, I must say.

Also, I had a dream the other night that you came to visit me, and turned out to be a fucking psycho. Guess my grandpa was right after all about everyone you meet on the internet being freaks. (He had a similarly irrational distaste for anyone from California)

Winston said...

I resemble that statement...lol.