Save(d) as Draft(s)

The following are posts that I began writing and then never finished. This is not the first time I have done this.

Unrealistic goals I want to achieve before I die:

Water ski with a monkey or chimpanzee - This is unrealistic for several reasons, the most obvious being that I do not know how to water ski.

Wrestle an elephant - Okay, this could probably happen, but I am pretty sure that it would lead to my death. This is okay though as I already have my obituary written out and it lists my cause of death as elephant wrestling anyway.

- Written on 5/10/12

I'm not NOT high...

I am twenty-seven. I am mostly single. I am mostly un-tied down. I am mostly exactly where I want to be in life.

I am not sure where I am going with this. To be honest with you, Internet, I just took a huge bong hit. It is probably only a matter of minutes before I am "playing-bongos-naked-in-my-living-room" high.

I forgot that I was writing this. I started watching videos of the original broadway cast of Les Miserable performing.

I feel like my stomach is going to growl and that, when it does, I really need to eat nachos with cheese.

Mmmm, spaghetti.

- Written on 3/25/12

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I used to keep old papers so that I could read back over them and laugh at some of the points I made, the silly spelling mistakes I had or how I'd managed to pull off the mark I did without ever having actually read the work I was talking about.

Yesterday, while decluttering my apartment (read: finally actually finishing unpacking), I looked over some of my old papers. Do you know what I found out, Internet? I was a pompous ass. Oh, god... what a dick I was.

- Written on 6/26/11

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If beans are truly the magical fruit, then I am a magician extraordinaire. That is not to say that I am a master of beans, but....

- Written on 6/11/11

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"The key to being funny," I told him, "is not actually trying to make others laugh."

The look of confusion that graced his face told me that he did not understand what I meant. Also, his words did when he said to me, "I don't know what you mean." 

"My main goal in life is to entertain myself, not you. When someone else laughs at something I have said, I consider it to be an added bonus. But my primary goal is to make myself giggle."

- Written on 5/21/11

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In case I have never told you this before, I have had the long standing dream of becoming a professional cotton candy maker. Truth be told, I am not sure that anyone actually does this as a full-time job, but I feel like it is time that this changed.

- Written on 5/19/11