Drafts

Looking back on it, I think I may have been an odd child. Ninth grade gym class required the creation of a dance routine. Why? I am not entirely sure. Born leader that I am, I told my group of four other girls that we would reenact a scene from the motion picture The Full Monty. Of course, we left the nudity to the professionals (which one member of the group would later become).
I followed up my highly successful ninth grade dance routine with my ever memorable Risky Business-themed routine of tenth grade. It involved underwear, dress shirts, socks, and a whole lot of sliding across the wooden gym floor.
2.23.07

"The Canada Revenue Agency is scrambling to fix a computer glitch that is preventing people from filing online tax returns and it could effect you, too." The TV anchorman announced.
"I really don't understand how Canadian tax returns could effect U2," she said.
I paused for a minute, making sure I had heard her right. "Did you really just say that?" I asked.
3.7.07

"I bet you rode the short bus to school, didn't you?" he laughed.
"I did ride the short bus to school. What are you getting at?"
"Are you serious? I was just joking. You really went to school on the special bus?"
"Not the special bus, the mini-bus. My bus driver's name was Prim" I explained.
"Awwwww, muffin."
"I don't understand. What is so funny? For three years, I took the mini-bus to elementary school." By this point in time, I was beyond confused.
"Everyone knows that only the mentally challenged children ride the short bus to school." I narrowed my eyes at him in an effort to show him my contempt.
"My elementary school only had three developmentally challenged children: Amanda, Andrew, and Jessica. They were all in wheelchairs and I used to play with them at recess."
"I'm sure you did."
"I just want you to know that I am going to kill you in your sleep tonight" I told him.
3.9.07

There are surprisingly few things to do as you wait, with your parents, for a tow truck to come pick up your vehicle. My mom spent most of our hour long wait glaring at me when, after voicing her need for a bathroom, I directed her towards an open field.
3.17.07

They just didn't know by what

Today a transport helped me accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour when, upon driving to school with all my windows down, it drove by me, baptizing me with a shower of muddy water. Immediately, I was filled with the holy spirit, or maybe it was disgust. Regardless, every where I went in the school that day, people could tell that I had been touched.

99 Problems

Do you think Jay-Z made a list and counted all of his problems before coming out with the song? And, if so, do you think they were real problems, or just silly things like "I spilled mustard on my favourite pants"?

Drafts

I sat in the bathtub, contemplating my own knees. They are full of scars from the numerous scrapes and cuts they have endured over the years, but they are good knees. They are the only knees I have ever known, of course, so I really have nothing to compare them to.
I am startled out of my reverie when the cat jumps up onto the side of the bathtub and begins lapping up my bathwater. I glare at him and silently pray that he does not slip and fall in.
18/02/07

My parents washing machine sings a song when it has finished each load. So overjoyed with completing its task, it cannot help but play a little tune to celebrate its accomplishments. "Look!" it cries with excitement. "Come look at these clothes that I have just cleaned!"
22/02/07

For a while now I have been the considerate sister. The sister who, upon noticing that half of her new shampoo and conditioner has mysteriously vanished over night, went out and bought a second set of shampoo and conditioner so that the only other person using the shower would not have to "borrow" anymore.
Today that changed. I used my sister's shampoo. And you know what? I am totally going to use it again tomorrow.
25/02/07

"Dakota Fanning," I declared.
"You would cast Dakota Fanning in the role of a male court attorny?" my professor laughed. "What about the second role? The sheriff?"
"Dakota Fanning in both roles," I replied with conviction.
"And what inspired you to cast Dakota Fanning in those roles?"
"She seems to be in almost every movie these days, and I think maybe this play could be her chance to break free of all the stereotypes she is currently being subjected to. She will shatter boundaries and usher in a new age of theatre. It will be glorious."
My new goal in life: talk about Dakota Fanning as often as possible during my English Seminar.
01/03/07

S-M-R-T

When you first think of it, all you can see is how awesome it would be to put every single article of clothing you own on at once. What you don't stop to consider is how hot approximately 45 shirts, 3 sweatshirts, and 14 pairs of pants will be. You also fail to realize that that much clothing will provide you with restricted movement, and thus taking off the items will take more than twice the time it took to put them on.


I have learned many things since my first year of University. However, none of them have been academic.