Grab Bag

"I've been having unprotected sex with many strangers as of late" I told him. "I am trying to catch a variety of diseases, as well as accumulate a large pool of potential baby daddies. Not that I would choose to become pregnant by any of them, but so that when I mistakenly do my story will be much more attractive for Jerry Springer or Maury Povich."
- 08/11/06

The cigarette produced a scattering of orange embers as it hit the road. There was something beautifully frightening about the whole thing.
- 28/11/06

At first, I was glad to have my sister back in the country. I'd missed her, sort of, and I'd stopped having those nightmares in which she was eaten by angry camels. Soon after I returned to my parents house, I realized that my sister had left something behind when she returned from Africa. That something was her ability to flush a toilet. I'd initially thought she was just trying to conserve water. I applauded her effort, even though I was more than a little grossed out when the bathroom started to smell like urine. I decided that I would let it slide. After all, it would not kill me to flush the toilet upon entering the bathroom. The next day, however, my sister broke the cardinal rule of water conservation in a shared bathroom. That rule, obviously, being the strictly upheld "If it's brown, flush it down."
- 15/12/06

"I hate guys who are just attracted to me because I am Asian" she told me one night. "It is like they have Asian fever. They think Asian women treat them better and are more submissive." The thought made me laugh. "Submissive" is a word that would never cross my mind in association with her name.
A few weeks later, when my parents' puppy was jumping up excitedly in an effort to lick her, I would tell her that she is the first Asian person he has ever seen. "I think he might have Asian fever" I confessed.
- 17/12/06

"We are having a party" I declared as I burst through the front door. I have found, through experience, that it is better to make bold statements rather than ask permission. "We will celebrate the baby Jesus and I will get tanked in front of close family friends and people that you go to church with." Parents love it when you do that kind of stuff. I anticipated a poor turnout and because of that I made sure we invited a shit load of people. When they all showed up, I was both confused and elated. Did you know that people will bring you presents, even if you do not ask for them, when you throw a Christmas party?
- 22/12/06