Hottest Person Ever

It is past three in the morning and I am sitting in my bed, in my underwear, eating a tuna fish sandwich. On the night stand to my left sits a glass of water that has been there for at least a week. Worse than that is that sometimes, when I wake-up dazed and thirsty, I actually drink from it. On the night stand to my right there sits an empty jug of orange juice. I drained the last drops of liquid out of it a few minutes ago, and have since been staring at it as if it were the most interesting thing I have ever set my eyes on as I chew. While typing this entry with one hand, I dropped a piece of tuna into the bottomless abyss that is my cleavage. My immediate instinct was to look around me to ensure that I was in fact alone, and then dig right down there to retrieve the piece of tuna and pop it into my mouth.
It is times like these that I know without a doubt why I am still single.