How I will die

The other day I was watching this elephant have a tug-of-war with a bunch of people. I was intrigued.. I wanted to have a tug-of-war with an elephant.. I think I could hold my own until that elephant decided to actually try. More than having a tug-of-war with an elephant, I would like to wrestle one. I am not sure exactly how I would wrestle the elephant, which is why I would drink a whole lot before I went to do it. I am not silly, I know that wrestling an elephant would more than likely result in my own death... which is why I will wait until my late 80's to do it. Some might think advanced age would hinder my chances... to those people I say the following: "An elephant weighs 11,000 pounds. It does not matter how old I am because either way I am screwed." And since it's really just going to be a game of seeing how long it takes before the elephant squishes me, I might as well try and eliminate any thing that may slow me down... That's right.. I'd wrestle the elephant naked. So, in about 60 years expect to see an obituary in the paper that reads as follows:

After a long battle with an elephant, in her eighty-fifth year, Megan
finally succumbed to her injuries after several hours of intense wrestling. She
refused to let anything hold her back, which is why she was buck naked while
engaged in her final challenge. As her last breath left her body, in a whisper,
she said, "This isn't over yet, elephant." A testament to her spirit, or better
yet.. the spirits that she'd consumed earlier that day.

Death by elephant... What a way to go!