Exit strategy

Did I ever tell you, dear interweb, about the morning after a particularly awkward one night stand when, at a loss upon departing, I merely stuck out my hand and offered a particularly enthusiastic shake?

If not, I should totally do that sometime.  

I'd like to think I'm no longer such a judgmental asshole

One time, while in the car with my mother, we drove past some homely looking people selling odd metal sculptures by the side of the road.
Laughing to myself, I said, "imagine being related to those people."
My mom then responded, "there is no need for you to imagine being related to those people due to the fact that you are related to those people."
It turned out that they were my second cousins.
True story.