But I will admit that, after brushing my teeth with a bottle of Jack, I am too drunk to be functional

I am not going to lie, Internet I really relate to the song "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha because I, too, often wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.

It is true. Frequently, I open my eyes after a night of slumber and feel exactly how I would imagine a 40-year-old black male rapper, record producer, actor, fashion designer, dancer and singer feels.

I am not surprised that many people are unable relate to this particular bit of lyrical genius. Few know this kind of joy and are therefore resentful of those who are able to appreciate Ke$ha's timeless wisdom.