Favourite Pastime: Inventing Games

When I lived alone, or at least when I mostly lived alone, I used to pass the time by creating new games to play with my dog. One of my favourite games to play was something I like to call "Toilet Ball."

Toilet ball is obviously a very complex game and requires a little bit of preparation beforehand. By preparation, I really mean that it is probably in the best interest of game participants if the toilet has been cleaned beforehand. Of course, by "participants," I really mean "human participants" because, let's face it, it is doubtful that the dog participants really care about the crap (literally) that may be in the toilet.

But I digress, toilet ball is simple, if your bathroom is set up properly to play it. The human participant stands approximately twenty feet away from the toilet and, with both the lid and toilet seat up, proceeds to attempt to throw a tennis ball into the toilet bowl from his or her stationary position. The dog then fetches the ball and returns it to the human participant. If the ball goes into the toilet bowl, the human participant is awarded one point. If the ball does not go into the toilet bowl, the human participant receives zero points. The dog receives half a point for each time he or she successfully returns the ball. If the dog does not return the ball, the dog is a douche and automatically forfeits the game.

I had to stand in my kitchen in order to successfully play toilet ball. And let me tell you, Internet, the game was an absolute hit in my house. One time, I decided to play toilet ball spontaneously, which really means that I forgot to lift up the lid and toilet seat and ended up smoking my cat in the head with the tennis ball because, for some reason unknown to me, the cat had decided that the toilet was his new favourite location to lounge. Needless to say, the cat picked somewhere else to lounge after the first official toilet ball injury occurred.