This Explains It...

This makes perfect sense, I mean where else would Monica's thong be? Before I read this article I would have just thought that thongs don't randomly appear in the circulatory system, but I would have been wrong. I can freely admit that now, underwear do randomly appear in arteries. Thank you, Weekly World News. Thank you for opening up my eyes.


Now with Unicycle
I arrived home late last night, made my calls to friends in order to make sure they knew I was home safe, then opened the door to my room with the intent on getting into the bed and never waking up (until it was time to go to Ikea). That is when I saw it, leaning up against my exercise bike in all it's one-wheel glory. My parents had got me the unicycle I so very much desired. I immediately went back to the phone and called my friends (again) and told them the super news. They were almost excited as I was.
A unicycle... Now all I need to do is learn how to ride it and then I am well on my way to my dreams as a pan-handler. Well, after that all I need to do is learn how to juggle, and then from there I will switch from juggling balls to juggling sharp knives or things that are on fire. How hard can it be? Naturally, because I am so realistic, I will learn all this over the long weekend so that I can go back to school and 'wow' people. Surely one can learn how to ride a unicycle, juggle balls, flames, and sharp knives in the span of four days. (I just want you to know that I am aware that I will not really learn how to do all this in four days, that would just be crazy... but five days is a different story. By the way, this should not detract from the rest of my post at all since we all know if it's in parenthesis it does not count)
So anyway, since I will not actually be partaking in turkey (I am a vegetarian), I will use the time that I would be doing turkey stuff to learn how to ride the unicycle.